LOVE IN THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE

LOVE IN THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE Ever since I wrote Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50, (it’s now on Kindle, a perfect Valentine’s gift), my radar picks up news about love and aging. I want to share my excitement about a movie that expanded my horizons on that subject—although that’s not what I expected from it; the film was a documentary about Eleanor Roosevelt

It was a story I thought I knew well: a shy girl, rejected by her mother, marries her handsome, ambitious cousin; evolves into a supreme helpmate when he’s elected President; becomes a world-famous activist for human rights. But I learned something new: at 63, Eleanor Roosevelt fell madly in love with a man she considered her soul mate.

It’s not a fact included in her usual biography. And it wasn’t a successful love story in the usual sense. Eleanor never had good luck in the romance department. Her father adored her but died young; FDR’s exceedingly private nature precluded emotional intimacy. But Eleanor’s affectionate nature craved intimacy. She developed intense friendships outside her marriage, but the core of her yearned for more. Then she moved to New York City, after FDR’s death, and met Dr. David Gurewitsch. Outstandingly handsome, 18 years Eleanor’s junior, Dr. Gurewitsch was at first her physician. A few years later, they found themselves together on an unexpected layover and realized they were kindred spirits. Because of the disparity in their age and appearance——and because Eleanor was revered as FDR’s widow—the world saw only a distinguished gentleman escorting Mrs. Roosevelt to her various engagements. But privately, the two were becoming paramount in each other’s lives. They had similar interests: a caring for others was their passion. Both were insatiably curious about the world. Eleanor felt like she’d discovered her long lost part. “I love you … as I have never loved anyone else,” she wrote in one of many adoring letters.

David loved her back. But he was not “in love”— and she was. They discussed this, as they discussed everything. “David dear …I know that you love youth and beauty ... and I would not want to keep you from these joys… [still] I would be so happy if there were ways you wanted me to do something for you. What I have in the few years I have left is yours.” They shared trips, a home, confidences, but never sex; still, Eleanor sometimes felt possessive or jealous. By all accounts, she was devastated when David married in 1955. She struggled with these feelings, trying always to feel love rather than resentment. She drew David’s young bride, Edna, into her loving circle—another great friendship—but the bond between Eleanor and David remained uniquely close, right up to her death in 1962. I found more of the story—and much fascinating history—in the book Kindred Souls: the Friendship of Eleanor Roosevelt and David Gurewitsch, affectionately written by Edna Gurewitsch. For example, I learned that Eleanor believed her ability to do great things for people at the end of her life was enhanced by the love she felt for one human being, David Gurewitsch. Despite a lifetime of personal loneliness, Eleanor made the amazing choice to feel and express passionate love, even as her physical self was winding down. To feel love that strong is the best miracle of life, Eleanor believed. So many life lessons here! When our soul is stirred—not just romantically, but by a friend, a neighbor, a grandchild— at whatever age, we should pour love into that connection unstintingly, with no expectations. A full open heart is like a beacon leading the way to more adventures.